The faces of Mental Health illnesses.
Eating Disorders, Personality Disorders. Anxiety and Depression to name a few..
When you’re fully immersed in your mental state it’s very hard for you to see the light when the dark is so.. dark.
I get it. I have been in a place where the darkness is pitch black and you don’t actually ever want to see the light again.
You have to remember that you can find way out of feeling this way.
That you can take charge of your mind.
That I have.
That a lot of people have.
It’s actually more rare for someone to never experience mental health struggles in their life time and it’s important to remember too, when life is hard, that you aren’t alone. Your darkness has been felt by others just like you.
So where am I? How am I?
You are reading this from a person who has been to an event last night.
I was invited to Milk Costmetics because the brand wanted ME there.
Surrounded by amazing and creative people.. mocktails, music.. dance.
This very morning I found clumps of my hair, doubling up on my pillow and in the shower and my hair is really thinning in places.
I had spent another day not eating.
I normally like to start the day with a little thanks to the universe but I didn’t today and it was something I was working on.
It was now lunch time and I was crying in my sisters car as we argued about how we aren’t getting on anymore. She was frustrated by my eating habits and I was stressed about other problems like money, being sick to death of people being stressed about my weight.
We shouted and argued – about absolutely everything.
I stormed off and cried in TK Max.
It wss now the evening, around 4-5 hours later.
My sister had gone to Canada and we didn’t leave it on great terms.
I was smiling, laughing but on the inside I was left with a burden.
I have been at a point, struggling to ever find a way out of my relationship with food and feeling the world was against me – standing in a park in Clapham common at 2am hoping I could be that news article tomorrow morning.
Woman, 23, stabbed to death in Clapham Common.
It would be out of my hands and not my fault and I would finally be able to be at peace.
I stood in front of roads wondering if being run over too would seem like a better option.
Wondering of the pain. Hopefully it would be quick.
Constantly my mum.. always in my thoughts.
How could I hurt her.
Instead I hurt myself with an empty stomach or continue to squeeze myself and scratch myself.
Throwing up food because I didn’t deserve it.
I wasn’t ready to feel anything other than punishment in myself because that’s what I deserved.
Why? What made me feel this way in the first place?
I had to address the issue.
I needed help. But what if I gain weight when I’m OK?
The options were simple. It was dying or it was living.
Slowly.. I tried – in doses – to try to feel better than I was already feeling.
When I mention LOA, people who don’t believe in it or know very little immediately pull away and withdraw. I’m a believer in Law of Attraction (I am now a certifcated practioner too!) – and without sounding like an american toothpaste ad, It is something has never made more sense to me in my whole life. It isn’t this huge effort of reading books and taking courses on; it is something that is actually very simple.
When you’re at the lowest point in your life, someone telling you ‘life is great’ won’t work. Someone telling you to rely on LOA won’t work.
It doesn’t happen over night, believe me. But little seeds, planted in your garden will blossom eventually. Taking doses of the right steps in realising that you taking in this negative energy around you; not eating well, not sleeping, being mood and hating self. Changing them in to positives; eating well, great company etc.. Your life will change.
Even though I bang on about self-development, detach yourself from your mind and your body and see it for what it is.
You have to step outside of your mind, your hair, your face. You.
My hair is thinning?
But I am not my hair.
I am MORE than just hair.
You, your body.. you are a machine.
Remember that actually you’re made up of materials from thousands of years ago. How incredible that is?
Why would I want to hurt myself when I am a special?
Do you really want to spend time that you have on earth telling yourself you aren’t worth it?
Stand outside of yourself and see the beauty in you from up in the sky.
Sometimes we fixate on our past so it effects our future.
Throw it out of the window.
Let it go. It’s done. Learn from it.
Honestly? You have too.. even if something terrible happened to you.
Yes, you might be able to improve a situation but you will never be able to change something that has already happened.
Where possible learn that this happened because you are to learn from it and grow. When you feel bummed, have a little reminder – It’s the chemicals in your brain that make you feel the way you do. It’s all just material – matter.
Anxiousness in particular is what every other person and every single human being will feel in their life time.
It’s connected to your adrenaline signals.
It means you are living and you are experiencing. You can’t control those lows physically but you can ease and learn to control those moments – whether that’s exercise, mediation or simply haven’t a quiet moment to collectively calm your whole body down.. accept, and then move on.
That person who just walked past you is made up of the same materials and you both share this planet. You are responsible for your own actions and your own body, so honestly.. be nice. Be kind to both you and others.
Our minds are beyond us. We all have one.
Learn to control yours with coping mechanisms.
I felt that I’ve always felt a lot for other humans, I’ve always wanted to please and to be accepted. This isn’t a bad thing, as long as you’re doing your bit that’s all you can control. Yourself.
Learn to love and see the beauty in the planet and your neighbours and the world will feel and look a little more different.
Your mood will change dramatically as a result of that, a result of seeing the beauty in everything that you can.
How wonderful that we have other humans on this planet who spend years of their life training to fix you when you break your arm.
Or that we have humans on this planet who train to protect you when other humans behave negatively.
Ok so you don’t feel like being nice today?
I mean that guy on the train who barged past you this morning was an arse!
Actually he probably was having a bad day, just like you might have done yesterday. That’s okay, you’re still alive. Smile.
If that fails.. ‘fake it until you make it’ just being sincere about it – Tell your brain that you feel great, even when you don’t.
Like right now.. If you keep telling yourself this you spend a lot of time feeling great!
(AD-BREAK – I find a lot of you might be rolling your eyes by now.. tell me in a week of trying this how differently you feel. It’s a promise).
Stop the comparisons
We all do it..
We all compare.
But that’s one of the worst things you can do.
Other humans are doing ‘better’ than others?
By who’s standard?
Ok, money, money.. The paper.
There will always be someone richer and poorer than you, by definition.
Also remember, one persons happiness isn’t the same as the next.
We are unique and we want different things.
Focus on what makes you happy not what you think will make you happy.
It’s also great to remember that you cannot assume the life of someone else.
You see ALL of your angles and a few of there’s.’Why is this happening to me and no one else’.
Actually it’s also happening to Bee next to you.
1 in 3 people in the room you’re in right now will struggle with their mental health.
Learn that you feel this way and you probably will again.
The more you adopt positivity and beauty in your life, the easier life will become. I like to see coping mechanisms as the candles in a dark room.
They simply light up a dark room. How beautiful and cosy they make a dark room, right?
They make it easier to see.
Train your body.
Your mind will follow.
A miracle that will make mistakes because you’re human but also a miracle that from now you have the power to be the best version of yourself moving forward because you CAN control that.
Lastly I want you to look down at your body.. or at the mirror.
I want you to take this in..
Your nose can smell a trillion different smells.
Think about that for a second.
Instead of ‘Argh, I hate my nose, it’s too big!’
A TRILLION smells. Who cares about the size of the nose? Think about how gifted and incredible it is to be able to smell delicious meals instead!
Did you also know that 200 of your muscles are working each time you make a single step!
Or that those eyes you see in the mirror.. They can distinguish between approximately 10 million different colours. 10 MILLION COLOURS.
Look at the world differently and your mood and your life can be changed according.
This doesn’t happen every night. But should be practiced every day.
Your body is UN REAL.
All of it’s quirks, it’s stretch marks, it’s spots.
It all has its purpose and story.
It doesn’t have to be this hard in life.
It will if you make it and believe that life is hard, then of course it is.
No matter the situation you’re in.
We will deal with awful situations in this life time. It will happen no matter what.
But don’t walk around with an umbrella at the chance of rain.
..it’s heavy, it’s annoying and it is most certainly in the way.
Be prepared.. Dance, sing, love the rain – at least the plants are happy!